No doubt you’ve heard a lot about Liverpool in the media.
It is all true. There’s never anything to do, our food offering and buildings are average and we’re the least funny people on the planet. Here are 60 reasons you should stay away from Liverpool.
The Unpalatable Food
Punk Afternoon Tea by Baltic Social
Like, Seriously
Brunch Street Food Tray by Lucha Libre
Halloumi Fries? What an awful idea
Baltic Market, Cains Brewery
Nobody Notices When The Seasons Change
photo by Colin Lane
The Horrendous Skyline
Liverpool Skyline by Carl Yeates
The Albert Docks Is Basically A Ghost Town
Albert Docks by Al Disley
The Obvious Lack Of Culture
Africa Oye in Sefton Park
The Least Charismatic People In The World Live Here
There Are Hardly Any Good Bands
The Tea Street Band
Festivals? Yeah, Liverpool Never Has Them
LIMF at Sefton Park
You’ll Never See Liverpool Used For A Film Location
Peaky Blinders, Georgian Quarter
Scouse Humour Is Just A Myth
Want To Go To A Pub For A Decent Beer? Forget About It
Peter Kavanagh’s
Parks? Don’t Even Know What One Of Them Is
Calderstones Park
Every City Puts A Transparent Marquee In Their Bombed Out Churches
St.Luke’s Church
The Abandoned Buildings Look Horrendous
Mural by WhoAmIrony in Walton
Told You
Duke Street
Doesn’t every city have a secret diners club?
The Architecture Is So Plain
Picture by Al Disley
There’s No History Whatsoever
Photograph of Liverpool in 1915
Everyone’s just out for themselves
And we’ve cut ourselves away from the rest of the world
Lark Lane Is Just Full Of Hippies
The Park Across The Road Isn’t The Best Either
Sefton Park, photo by Peter Hughes
The Beaches Are Washed Up
There Are No Award Winning Buildings
The Everyman on Hope Street
The Ceilings Are So Dull
India Buildings by Mark Sykes
Especially At The Anglican Cathedral
A Street food market in Liverpool? That’ll never catch on
Baltic Market, Cains Brewery
Nice Cup Of Coffee? You Wish
Bold Street Coffee, Bold Street
Where would you even think about going on a first date?
Kazimier Gardens, Seel Street
There’s Nothing To Do For Dogs And Their Owners
The Bar Scene Is Dry
Salt Dog Slim’s, Seel Street
And They’re So Easy To Find
Berry & Rye, Berry Street
Talented local artists? They’re all down at London
Jazz Stan
Street Art? Anybody could do that
Hill Street, Toxteth @hipliverpool
Easy
Jamaica Street, Baltic Triangle
Cool Independents? What Are They?
69a, Renshaw St
No, seriously?
Grove Beer Tap & Grill, Seel Street
You’ll Never Get A Moments Peace Here
Festival Gardens by Tommy Patto
There’s No Quirky Shops
Utility Design, Bold Street
Or Book Shops
News From Nowhere, Bold Street
Nobody Has Fun. Everyone just goes to bed early
LightNight Liverpool
Look At How Unhappy They Are
Brazilica Festival
Fancy Doing Something A Bit Different? You’re In The Wrong City
Nerf Centre, Liverpool
Everyone’s Just Glued To Their Phones
Sugar and Dice, Baltic Triangle
The Beer Gardens Are So Dull
Constellations, Baltic Triangle
See our point?
Kazimier Gardens, Seel Street
The Breakfasts Definitely Aren’t Award Winning
Tavern Co, Smithdown Road
Outdoor Cinema in Liverpool? Pfft, no-one will turn up
Nor Will They Want To Go To A Home Alone Themed Bar
Home Alone Themed Bar, Cains Brewery
Nobody Takes Sunday Roasts Serious
Camp and Furnace, Baltic Triangle
Nobody Ever Makes Anything Anymore
Leather Satchel Co, Huyton
And There’s No local Produce
Postcode Honey
Good Luck Being a Veggie in Liverpool
Chat Bombs, Mowgli, Bold Street
Don’t Even Bother Looking At The Dessert Menus
Slim’s Pork Chop Express, Seel St
Everyone Just Goes To Boring Bingo
Bongos Bingo, Camp and Furnace
There’s Hardly Any Choice At The Record Shops
Dig Vinyl, Bold Street
Doesn’t every city have a gin garden?
Botanical Garden, Baltic Triangle
Please, please, for your own sake, stay away from Liverpool
Picture by Al Disley
If, for some reason, you do want to come to Liverpool, check out the Independent Liverpool Membership Card and take advantage of this huge sale whilst you can. It’s just £12 for one card or £17 for two for a year of amazing discounts at close to 100 places. Save money at places like American Pizza Slice Whitechapel, Lucha Libre, Free State Kitchen Liverpool, Lunya, Utility, 92DegreesCoffee, Liverpool Cheese Company and more! Save money and support local and grab yours here.