No doubt you’ve heard a lot about Liverpool in the media.

It is all true. There’s never anything to do, our food offering and buildings are average and we’re the least funny people on the planet. Here are 60 reasons you should stay away from Liverpool.

The Unpalatable Food

baltic sociey

Punk Afternoon Tea by Baltic Social

Like, Seriously

lucha libreeee

Brunch Street Food Tray by Lucha Libre

Halloumi Fries? What an awful idea

Baltic Market, Cains Brewery

Nobody Notices When The Seasons Change

photo by Colin Lane

The Horrendous Skyline


Liverpool Skyline by Carl Yeates

The Albert Docks Is Basically A Ghost Town


Albert Docks by Al Disley

The Obvious Lack Of Culture


Africa Oye in Sefton Park

The Least Charismatic People In The World Live Here


There Are Hardly Any Good Bands


The Tea Street Band

Festivals? Yeah, Liverpool Never Has Them

LIMF at Sefton Park

You’ll Never See Liverpool Used For A Film Location

Peaky Blinders, Georgian Quarter

Scouse Humour Is Just A Myth

Want To Go To A Pub For A Decent Beer? Forget About It


Peter Kavanagh’s

Parks? Don’t Even Know What One Of Them Is


Calderstones Park

Every City Puts A Transparent Marquee In Their Bombed Out Churches

bombed out

St.Luke’s Church

The Abandoned Buildings Look Horrendous


Mural by WhoAmIrony in Walton

Told You


Duke Street

Doesn’t every city have a secret diners club?

Secret Diners 1

The Architecture Is So Plain


Picture by Al Disley

There’s No History Whatsoever


Photograph of Liverpool in 1915

Everyone’s just out for themselves


And we’ve cut ourselves away from the rest of the world

Screen Shot 2016-06-17 at 20.25.09

Lark Lane Is Just Full Of Hippies


The Park Across The Road Isn’t The Best Either

Sefton Park, photo by Peter Hughes

The Beaches Are Washed Up

Screen Shot 2016-06-19 at 18.15.25

There Are No Award Winning Buildings


The Everyman on Hope Street

The Ceilings Are So Dull


India Buildings by Mark Sykes

Especially At The Anglican Cathedral

Screen Shot 2016-06-19 at 18.17.25

A Street food market in Liverpool? That’ll never catch on

Baltic Market, Cains Brewery

Nice Cup Of Coffee? You Wish


Bold Street Coffee, Bold Street

Where would you even think about going on a first date?


Kazimier Gardens, Seel Street

There’s Nothing To Do For Dogs And Their Owners

The Bar Scene Is Dry

Divided We Fall Games 2011

Salt Dog Slim’s, Seel Street

And They’re So Easy To Find


Berry & Rye, Berry Street

Talented local artists? They’re all down at London


Jazz Stan

Street Art? Anybody could do that


Hill Street, Toxteth @hipliverpool


Jamaica Street, Baltic Triangle

Cool Independents? What Are They?

69a, Renshaw St

No, seriously?


Grove Beer Tap & Grill, Seel Street

You’ll Never Get A Moments Peace Here

chinese gardens

Festival Gardens by Tommy Patto 

There’s No Quirky Shops

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Utility Design, Bold Street

Or Book Shops

news from nowhere

News From Nowhere, Bold Street

Nobody Has Fun. Everyone just goes to bed early

Light Night Liverpool 2014

LightNight Liverpool

Look At How Unhappy They Are


Brazilica Festival

Fancy Doing Something A Bit Different? You’re In The Wrong City

Nerf Centre, Liverpool

Everyone’s Just Glued To Their Phones

Sugar and Dice, Baltic Triangle

The Beer Gardens Are So Dull


Constellations, Baltic Triangle

See our point?


Kazimier Gardens, Seel Street

The Breakfasts Definitely Aren’t Award Winning


Tavern Co, Smithdown Road

Outdoor Cinema in Liverpool? Pfft, no-one will turn up

Screen Shot 2016-06-19 at 18.06.31

Nor Will They Want To Go To A Home Alone Themed Bar

Home Alone Themed Bar, Cains Brewery

Nobody Takes Sunday Roasts Serious


Camp and Furnace, Baltic Triangle

Nobody Ever Makes Anything Anymore


Leather Satchel Co, Huyton

And There’s No local Produce

Postcode Honey

Good Luck Being a Veggie in Liverpool


Chat Bombs, Mowgli, Bold Street

Don’t Even Bother Looking At The Dessert Menus


Slim’s Pork Chop Express, Seel St

Everyone Just Goes To Boring Bingo


Bongos Bingo, Camp and Furnace

There’s Hardly Any Choice At The Record Shops


Dig Vinyl, Bold Street

Doesn’t every city have a gin garden?


Botanical Garden, Baltic Triangle

Please, please, for your own sake, stay away from Liverpool


Picture by Al Disley

If, for some reason, you do want to come to Liverpool, check out the Independent Liverpool Membership Card and take advantage of this huge sale whilst you can. It’s just £12 for one card or £17 for two for a year of amazing discounts at close to 100 places. Save money at places like American Pizza Slice Whitechapel, Lucha Libre, Free State Kitchen Liverpool, Lunya, Utility, 92DegreesCoffee, Liverpool Cheese Company and more! Save money and support local and grab yours here.